Soothing Kalimaat

What do you do when things start to be bland?  What do you do when you don't know what excites you anymore?  Seek forgiveness in Him?  You're right, I should increase in it أستغفر الله . 

It happens again.  Me being all happy the whole day while at night I overthink.  I cannot stop it.  I am still unable to.  I'm tired.  Too sad to even sleep.  Too hard too type when the fingers you use to type are the same ones you use to wipe your tears.  How wrong must the things be for me to experience this.  I need God. Then I long for another human being.  I must admit I long for him.  The person who is brave enough to come knock on my door.  I long for him for I am unable to be my true authentic self and tell all my stories to someone without knowing the feeling is reciprocated.  As pathetic as it sounds I need someone to share my life with. 

 When you're the type who minds your own business and is not nosy or worse crossing people's boundary, you tend to appreciate silence more. When you've gone through so much and you have faced so much instability or dysfunction, you recognise patterns of toxic behaviour. However, not coming from a strong root that has an unconditional familial support system you tend to try to blend in. You put effort. You try to, sorry to say, dumb down just so they understand you and feel heard. But that's the thing about pity, people can hold it against you.  So for now, to be silent once more needs practice. 

Yah I know, you're acting all rasional while  I am being all immature with hopeful dreams of what could've been. I need to stop.

My too realistic perspective sets a boundary, between wanting to be happy or just happy  settling for an "okay"... No matter how hard I try to escape... it clings onto me.  So tight that it becomes a part of me.  Then, I encounter something familiar; kinda a safe zone to me.  And isn't familiarity, comforting? It's rather unhealthy.  In spite of that, if you genuinely want to see with clarity, try this; the reality.

So this is the feeling of waiting for the certainty but still scared because I have got too many sins needed to repent for. It's okay to feel tired.  I know you are tired.  Your friends are tired.  Your professors, your teachers, your parents, We are all tired.  Know that this world is draining our energy if we keep chasing after it.   But some are tired for the right reason and will reap the fruits of what they sow today, in the Hereafter. May Allah guide us and keep us steadfast/istiqamah upon the truth.  Allah berfirman,  اعْلَمُوا أَنَّمَا الْحَيَاةُ الدُّنْيَا لَعِبٌ وَلَهْوٌ وَزِينَةٌ وَتَفَاخُرٌ بَيْنَكُمْ وَتَكَاثُرٌ فِي الْأَمْوَالِ وَالْأَوْلَادِ كَمَثَلِ غَيْثٍ أَعْجَبَ الْكُفَّارَ نَبَاتُهُ ثُمَّ يَهِيجُ فَتَرَاهُ مُصْفَرًّا ثُمَّ يَكُونُ حُطَامًا وَفِي الْآَخِرَةِ عَذَابٌ شَدِيدٌ وَمَغْفِرَةٌ مِنَ اللَّهِ وَرِضْوَانٌ وَمَا الْحَيَاةُ الدُّنْيَا إِلَّا مَتَاعُ الْغُرُورِ (20) “ Ketahuilah, bahwa sesungguhnya kehidupan dunia ini hanyalah pe...

How do you deal with being called nervous when you're not How do you know when to stop defending yourself How do you make them listen without interrupting How do you hold back tears How do you educate people that what you feel is there. How would you feel if you knew my story How would you feel if i told you you're draining my energy And that you're the reason i go back to that dark place. My thoughts. Being called nervous when you're not can be very offensive to somebody especially when they have been battling an emotional rollercoaster. But what is worse is you stand up for yourself but they think you're just making excuses. This may not matter to many but knowing what I've been through, i hate anything that triggers my pain. My feelings matter. They're valid. I am calm. If I seem tense, it's just me. Every day i try to be a better version of myself. I try to get rid of this bad gesture but thanks to you now I know I'm failing A...

I see a pattern. Being sad motivates me to write. And today is the third day I'm carefree. And I pushed myself to write Alhamdulillah 

Teach me not to care. Teach me how to let things go past you like the wind when it blows your hair. Convince me it's okay not to pretend everything is okay. Teach me how to be truthful . No.  Teach me how to be brave to tell the truth . Show me you can be trusted. Show me you do care. I'll eventually open up If you don't give up. I, too, am trying. And crying. It's tiring. But I'm Never Givin' Up.

  Pasir Putih Situbondo   © soothingayat.blogspot.com                         Boy did it ever occur to me  to miss certain people on the same day I bid farewell. Pathetic, I'd call it.  Ever been so close with people yet not close enough to tell one another you miss them without feeling hopeless? The feelings of hopelessness, pathetic, and loneliness aren't what anybody wants to be attributed with.  Why? Because we're afraid this longing is unrequited. We're scared of being taken advantage of. We're that much of a soft-hearted coward at expressing our feelings truthfully.  And people can be that big headed, insensitive, and heartless towards love and kindness.  Cut it some slack, love doesn't always mean in a I-want-to-be-in-a-relationship kinda way.

When the thought of somebody far away keeps you awake at night and tears come out of your eyes, dripping, and touching your cheek.  You feel uneasy.  Your chest feels heavy.  You suddenly feel indescribably sad all you wanna do is read messages and quotes. The idea to let it all out as the memories flashing back on your mind sounds relaxing except there are no shoulders to cry on.  Quotes about longing, you found none .  You waste your time tryna find relatable quotes forgetting the reason why people themselves posted on the internet in the first place.  Dear self, what they felt was different and new.  Nothing like the internet.   Their ability to fathom their feelings into words is admirable. Take your turn.  Let them hear your stories and let your words speak for those who go through the same situation.  My story is that I miss somebody, my friends and a city.    to be continued

She's that girl who needs to stay close to nature in order to feel genuinely at peace. Sitting in a place where she can touch the rain without her body being wet; Hearing the tapping sound of rain; Smelling a fresh earth smell when it's done; And seeing it pouring down, one after another or all at once: these make her feel somehow connected. She never realised she was missing something 'til rain came. Alive, she feels .

At the end of the day it's Allah and you all you have There comes times when you feel left out Forgotten Unimportant But  you should not buy it . Try not to. If need be, don't tell those people what you're up to Don't share anything personal with them So when they feel dumbfounded when you shut up, let them be. It sucks being asked for some opinions but then not being taken into consideration. How is it possible to feel used but at the same time useless. You're overeating again But it's okay for now. I guess slowly distract your mind by taking up your hobby. Go for a walk by yourself today. Go read some books. Spread kindness. Make your parents proud. There comes days when you try making people happy Yet you forget your own. You feel lost You knew you should've had chosen Him over anything. You feel no matter how hard you try It won't be enough. You start doubting your self-worth You build self-loathing. Although your strug...

In this world There are people who aren't allowed to go to a guided islamic lecture But is encouraged when it comes to going to a mall. Everything is about food. Eating. Eating. And eating. There are people who seem to be avoiding you Because of your mistakes. So you try to fix them And distance yourself Slowly Slowly Slowly, they make you feel worthless. There are people who make promises. And break 'em. 'Til one day you get tired. Tired of hearing promises. So you distance yourself Farther Farther And farther. 'Til you feel alone. 'Til you feel lonely. You stop making promises with them. You give up. You try to watch out Not wanting to fall into more of their prey. Because it saddens you. It saddens you how pathetic they make you feel. You know, giving you hopes Making you smile Making you excited And when you've packed up your things Prepared this Prepared that Everything's sorted You think your whole week is made ...

That's our problem For falling too easily For limiting the possibilities For thinking we don't deserve the best. That's our problem Due to not knowing self worth Or lacking self love Or not knowing we have so much to offer. Yeah, that's our problem For easily accepting somebody, afraid nobody else would replace him. Afraid of being alone. That's our problem.

©soothingayat.blogspot.com

Communication is key. Meet up and talk. Pay attention to the state of your friend. Notice if there is any warning sign. Are they grumpy? Are they being unreasonably quiet? Not being their usual self? Not excited? Lousy? Why? Have they been like this or is it because you're seeing them after a long time of not being bothered to keep in touch? Is there a possibility of a toxic friendship between you? What's up? Do they have a personal problem which they'd be uncomfortable talking about? All in all,  give them space and don't push. Just kindly tell them what you see and feel. And listen... No more negative thoughts No more what-if's Because misinterpreting a situation is what makes you feel distant Especially when all you see is what happens online; not in real person Like their posts about broken friendship that did not turn out to be about yours and theirs. So, make time to catch up with them. Listen. Talk. It will clear up all the doubts a...

©soothingayat.blogspot.com Memandang WajahNya akan menjadi kenikmatan terbesar dunia-akhirat bagi yang berhak mendapatkan kesempatan tersebut Bersinar Tak tertandingi Tak serupa dengan makhlukNya Berkumpul bersama RasulNya  ﷺ  adalah mimpi bagiku Di telaga itu Dan di SurgaNya Aku tahu kau bisa mendapatkan apapun yang kau mau di Surga nanti Aku ingin memeluk Rasulullah  ﷺ Ingin kupeluk sekencang-kencangnya Dan bersumpah bahwa aku bersyukur tidak pernah memeluk nonmahram yang pernah diri ini jatuh cinta padanya Karena ada hari-hari dimana aku merindukan seseorang yang tak seharusnya kurindukan Mencintai seseorang yang tak patut kucintai Mendambakan percakapan dengan seseorang di bumi Eropa yang belum dan takkan pernah halal bagiku, wallahu a'lam. Seseorang yang pernah ingin aku peluk di hari terakhirku Di hari aku meninggalkan kota itu Walau dalam hati kecilku, aku masih berharap kali terakhir is yet to happen . Mungkin hati ini masih bingung. Tent...

I live in a country where people take promises lightly, forgetting that the Prophet  ﷺ    has said one of four characteristics of a hypocrite is breaking promises. We may have come across this hadeeth but sadly, we didn't observe. Some of us may think it's got to be the most serious matter. It doesn't apply to simpler ones. So, they belittle their 'not-so-important' promises. Little do they know every small matter regarding the deen, matters. You said you were coming at nine but it's now almost ten. You said it'd be on Friday but you broke your promise asking for the next day. The next day you ask, "What about the night, instead?" And this never doesn't happens. No matter who you are whether it be you're their closest friends or family, they're bothered. If you can't come at 9, why say so? If you can't meet your promise, why promised? Be real. Be realistic. Say in shaa Allah not but not because you don't wanna say no but...

It's unbelievable the state of the Youth. People making fun of Islam. Muslims.  Others join in without even thinking the consequences they will have to face on the Day of Judgment. I can tell that they don't know what they are saying but that doesn't cover up for them the fact that they have to make time to study their own religion. The basic. The foundation is for everyone to revise every now and then in order to strengthen their eeman . Eventually, our circle of friends gets smaller. It saddens me seeing how some people behave. They speak as if what the ulama do only applies to the ulama and those who follow. As if saying " My ustadz  does not forbid us. Maybe it's just your ulama's 'opinion', thus, for your people only. So 'respect the differences'." And another goes, "Preach to those who wanna be preached. Not here. " Subhanallah. It's painful to see your friends go from a practicing Muslim to a what they call moder...

Dulu, aku tidak pernah mengerti mengapa seseorang memilih untuk tidak menjelaskan sesuatu dan rela mempertaruhkan harga dirinya padahal satu penjelasan saja akan membungkam mulut-mulut usil mereka. Namun sekarang aku mengerti, tidak semua hal membutuhkan penjelasan dan tidak semua orang berhak mendapatkan penjelasan. It used to baffle me how somebody would rather have their dignity at stake than to explain when all it takes is one explanation to clear rumours up. But now I understand, not everything has to be explained and not everybody is worthy of an explanation.

Niat hati mengingatkan Tetapi apa yang ada di benaknya? Apa aku sedikitpun terkesan sombong karena mau mengingatkan ketika banyak orang yang bungkam dan apatis? Bahwa aku terkesan memojokkan dia yang tidak tahu? Aku hanya menyampaikan secuil ayat perihal kebenaran Secara pribadi bukan bertebaran online Namun memang itu semua bergantung pola pikir si pendengar Dipengaruhi dengan how they were brought up Dipengaruhi lingkungan (kawan) Dan kondisi psikologisnya. Dear my muslim friends, Apa yang ada di benakmu ketika seseorang menasihatimu? Apa kamu merasa terancam? Kamu merasa direndahkan? Apa kamu takut dia berhasil mendapatkan suaramu seolah membuatmu takluk? Ini bukanlah tentang keuntungan pribadi. Mendapatkan dukungan, mendapatkan backup? Tidak sama sekali. Namun hanya sebuah keinginan untuk mengingatkan akan kebenaran. Karena takkan rela hati ini melihat seseorang yang kucinta terjatuh ke dalam kekhilafan tanpa diri ini memberikan tangan Teman, coba tanyakan pad...

Ini, seperti ini aja sudah bisa digunakan, cuma ganti aja subject nya kl memungkinkan. *congrats you played yourself= ketika kamu hendak bertindak yang aneh2 bahkan hendak menyakiti seseorang namun senjata makan tuan *slide to my DM = direct message/chat pribadi biasanya di ig/twitter *i'm crying = 1.) dipake ketika ada sesuatu yg gak masuk akalnya keterlaluan 2.) Ketawa terbahak2 *what on earth= ungkapan heran thd sesuatu/benda *How on earth = heran gimana bisa *I can't asdfafhkjgjkl = kalau lagi seneng banget. CONTOH: You're meeting your faves, next week! Kamu: IKR! I CANT SGFDHSJAK *Sup? What's up? = lg ngapain? Apa kabar? Jawabnya: not much (yg artinya: the gak begitu penting atau gpp) * Gotta go = harus pergi neh. 1.) dlm artian u gak bisa nangani org yg lg gk serius ini ( u bs ngmg ini dg nada bercanda, kadang serius tergantung situasi) 2.) arti sebenarnya *I can't cope with this = aku gak bisa nge-handel ini *I can't stand him = ...

Have you ever been in a situation where you're just indecisive because you don't want to regret that decision which you're about to make? I have, well, every time I have to make a decision, to be honest, and it's stressing me out. But sometimes I realise that making mistakes is inevitable. Sometimes you just have to be a risk taker. Although, you really need to think it thoroughly first and foremost. I'm just gonna talk about this thing in my case recently (I'll try to generalise it as best as I could). From my case, I now can say that if there's something no longer making you happy, you know you can stop being part of it/doing it/being it/etc WHENEVER you want. Even if you know that you will get judged with negative comments such us your decision is wrong, stupid, and or you'll regret it. They can also hold you back from making a change by saying less harmful words such as, "Why would you  give it up? Don't! You  are really good at it!...

Terkadang kita gatau apa maksud seseorang berkata suatu kata, dan terkadang pula kita salah paham tanpa menyadarinya. Bukan hanya itu, kita juga gak mau kan mengatakan sesuatu yg dianggap gak sopan dan bahkan awkward ke bule. Mungkin ini bisa memb antu! 
 *emoji tanda 100 = sangat setuju *perv = pervert, gak gennah semacam penguntit tapi konotasinya negatif *perff= perfect *-ish =sedikit/kira2/-an contoh: it's 5-ish = ini jam 5an *y tho =tapi kenapa  *nuff said =enough said =cukup diucapkan spt begitu adanya *stalker = penguntit terutama di dunia maya  (ga follow nyetalk doang) *basic = mainstream/typical *yo! (diucapkan dg keras dan tiba2) = wey dengarkan *beaut= indah, cantik *lit = keren *instagrammable = bagus banget (buat dipost di ig) *wifey material = karakteristik/kualitas yang dimiliki istri idaman *relatable = bisa dimengerti/ngena banget/kemistri  *fam= family, kawan dekat* *innit? = ya kan? *shook = kaget * *done = ...

Oh hi! Kita tahu kalau hi dup adalah suatu perjalanan yang penuh dengan lika-liku. Tapi bukan berarti, hidup itu susah; bukan berarti gampang juga lho. Ini semua bergantung pada kita aja sih. Pada bagaimana kita memikirkannya,  menanggapinya  dan bergantung pada bagaimana kita menjalaninya. Kebanyakan dari kita, pengen cepat-cepat melampaui waktu. Umumnya melampaui waktu yang dimana, hal yang kita tidak sukai sedang atau akan terjadi. Contoh: Kita pengen cepet-cepet hari Sabtu padahal hari ini masih hari Senin. Pengen besok itu liburan semester.  Pengen cepat-cepat lulus. Pengen cepat-cepat dapet pekerjaan yang bagus dan punya uang banyak. Pengen cepat-cepat menikah dan punya anak. Pengen cepat-cepat pensiun dan memulai petualangan tanpa batas — dan ketika sudah pensiun, ada banyak orang-orang tua yang berharap mereka bisa balik ke masa muda  lagi dan merubah semuanya; so instead of pengen melampaui waktu seperti di masa mere...